Hi! This is Me.

Astrologers are often quite wary of sharing their birth charts. Understandably so, since they are aware of the huge amount of personal information a chart can reveal.

However, I’ve basically shared all my key placements in my writing anyway… plus Mercury is currently transiting my natal Uranus and Mars, while the Mars-Jupiter conjunction is occurring RIGHT on my IC so… meh, why not! A measure of vulnerable exposure seems well aligned… although this post may not stay up forever!

Hi! This is me.

I use the tropical zodiac and a quadrant house system (Koch, generally), but I definitely give extra weight and consideration to the signs that rule the house cusps, regardless of where planet placements fall.

I am a Piscean mystic with a dark 8th House edge who thinks about death and the meaning of human existence probably more than is healthy 🙂

With my North Node in Taurus in the 9th House, getting out of my head and into my body, grounding myself through my senses in the present moment, establishing material and financial security, growing in confidence, and learning to trust my intuition and take leaps of faith, is my growing edge.

My favourite chart placement is my Sun and Mercury Rx cazimi. I think this placement provides me with a lot of interesting insights into the human psyche and the human condition.

My most challenging placements… well, there are so many that have caused me grief at some point. The quincunx between my rising and my Sun drives me crazy and makes it very difficult for me to express the Leo part of me, but overall I would say that the 10th House trio I have circled (and the aspects to them) are the most challenging for me – at least right now.

Within the public 10th House of career, reputation, social identity roles, and long-term goals and achievements, the expression of my Moon, Black Moon Lilith, and Chiron conjunct in Gemini, can be excruciatingly painful.

They are the apex of a Boomerang Yod aspect created by two quincunxes to Pluto and Neptune, and an opposition to Saturn. This trio is also part of my T-square with Jupiter and Saturn, and a leg of my Grand Square if I include Ceres, the asteroid.

The Moon symbolizes our emotional nature, our inner psyche, our subconscious, and our inner mother/inner child that both gives and seeks nurturing and safety.

Lilith symbolizes rebellious and wild, empowered independence and freedom, speaking authentic truth in the face of oppressive power, often from a place of exile.

Chiron symbolizes a deep wound that develops in our early years and follows us throughout our lives as we work to heal it. Through our own healing process, we learn how to powerfully support others with their own healing processes in this area.

I love the idea of astro-drama and experiential astrology, and I appreciate when an astrology author creates a dialogue between planets in order to more effectively convey the archetypes and how they relate to each other.

Therefore, in respect to my natal chart, if all three parts were to express their fears and desires directly to me as individualized characters, it might sound a bit like this…

MOON:

“You must find a fulfilling career path that ignites your passion and resonates deeply with your soul!  “Nurture” the world by pouring out your heart in the public sphere through teaching, writing, public speaking, and counseling (*particularly on topics related to death, sex, trauma, and the human shadow, since the 10th/11th House rulers are in the 8th House).”

“Be vulnerable in the public eye. Be in relationship with humanity. Let your heart break for the world on a public stage. Welcome your emotions into your career path and your social identities. Weave your personal life experiences into your public life.”

LILITH:

Speak your truth and act on your truth in the public sphere, always. Even if it brings you judgement, disgrace, rejection and exclusion for challenging society’s mainstream norms.”

“Rebel fiercely against oppression and injustices. Stand up for what you believe in. Advocate on behalf of others. Be a shit-disturber. In your career, write and speak about taboo subjects that no one else wants to consider.”

“You probably will face multiple moments throughout the duration of your career and public roles where others will try to damage your reputation, undermine you, and try to shame and humiliate you for speaking uncomfortable truths or doing something differently, in a way that challenges status quo. But regardless, you must continue or else you risk suffocating your calling and disowning  a part of yourself by restricting my expression.”

“Follow your instincts and intuition. If you always listen to your authentic inner voice, you will always be free – even in exile. It ultimately doesn’t matter what people think, or if they like or approve of you – as long as you are being true to yourself.”

CHIRON:

You carry the pain of early wounding related to your social identity and the way that others perceived you. You are haunted by a pervasive worry that you are incapable of surviving in the “real world” beyond the sheltered bubble that held your fears and sensitivity for so long. You felt judged, labelled, excluded, misunderstood, and “put in a box” as you called it, for having a childhood that was so different from the norm, and for the insecurities and inhibitions that masked your true self.”

“If you surrender to the residue of this pain and let it bind you, if you feel continually victimized and scarred in this area of your life as you experience that often paralyzing social anxiety, your capacity to transmute Chiron and access its latent gifts will be limited.”

“However, if you steadily persist in welcoming the origins of the wound into an accepting place of conscious self-awareness… if you continue to bring compassion to those parts of the younger you that still hurt… and if you turn toward the wound and embrace the particular gifts of empathy, wisdom and insight that only certain lived experiences can provide… your 10th House wounds will transform into an invaluable gift that you can contribute to the world through your public roles and career path.

The same applies to everyone’s Chiron placement. As Brennan Manning writes:

“In a futile attempt to erase our past, we deprive the community of our healing gift. If we conceal our wounds out of fear and shame, our inner darkness can neither be illuminated nor become a light for others.”

“The catch is, however, that in order to fully transmute these Chiron wounds into something that offers deep healing to others, one must be honest and transparent about them.”

“It is the connection that forms through the recognition of our common wounding, our common human condition, that invokes the most potent healing magic.”

 

SATURN (to Moon, Lilith, and Chiron, whom it opposes):

“ARE YOU SERIOUS?! All of that is TERRIBLE advice.”

“The 10th House Moon wants exposed emotional vulnerability. Lilith wants action and truth-speaking that challenges the mainstream and provokes judgement and censure. And Chiron wants to bring deep pain and insecurity into the harsh, cruel public arena.”

“Brilliant combination! If you go through with this plan you’ll ruin her chances of a successful career, taint her reputation, and cause her some intense suffering throughout her life. Your delusional impracticality, emotional, idealistic naivety and brazen foolishness, will also likely leave her impoverished.”

“All three of you are idiots.”

I’m intervening on this issue and setting up some effective defense systems to protect her. As usual, it will be a Saturnian blend (and in some cases an alternating cycle) of complete social isolation (avoidance), and of endless striving and studious non-stop workaholic effort for society-approved, mainstream symbols of achievements and accomplishments (overcompensation) – particularly in the academic and research sphere since that will work well with Gemini’s natural inclinations.”

“Three university degrees, many scholarships and awards, a solid C.V., always holding multiple leadership roles and volunteer commitments at risk of burnout?”

“Perfect. Except for those occasional, unavoidable moments of disappointment, that should hide and protect the 10th House vulnerabilities.


 

Okay, I feel a little silly writing that piece of dialogue out, but I think writing out hypothetical interaction between “planets”, is a really effective way to demonstrate the inherent tension within a natal chart (i.e. a person’s psyche), as well as a way to facilitate the process of increasing self-awareness, achieving integration, and moving toward wholeness using the tool of astrology.

(This astrological perspective of the human psyche resonates strongly with a new method in psychology called Internal Family Systems (IFS))

Saturn means well. He has a terrible reputation in astrology, but ultimately he is trying to protect us – even if his efforts are misguided and detrimental.

As a component of our psyches, he tries his very best to build strong walls of ego defenses, boundaries, and effective fear-based avoidance strategies to prevent us from experiencing pain and suffering. He often programs overcompensation methods into our early conditioning to give us a fleeting sense of validation and/or reassurance in an area of life that feels vulnerable – a reliable (but usually an initially unfulfilling) “fix-it” strategy.

As you can see, I was born with Saturn in Sagittarius. I am 31 years old, which means that I have recently completed my 1st Saturn Return (i.e. the 2.5 – 3 year time span during which Saturn transits the sign it was in at a person’s birth).

Saturn left Sagittarius and moved into Capricorn on December 20th, 2017, marking the end of my Saturn Return that began on December 23rd, 2014.

The Saturn Return is an important transit that occurs about every ~29 years. It often stops you in your tracks and redirects you. It forces you to reflect on your life journey thus far, and assess whether or not you are aligned with your highest Self, your most resonate Truth. It can often be a difficult, but incredibly rewarding time, as you come to terms with certain realities and experience lessons through circumstantial limitations and consequences, which ultimately have the potential to cultivate a deeper and more secure sense of identity, purpose, meaning and direction.

We often begin our lives experiencing and expressing Saturn in a very restrictive, oppressive way.

When our Saturn Return comes around, we need to upgrade our understanding of Saturn. This is usually a time when all our Saturnian ego defenses, fear-based avoidance strategies, boundary issues, and overcompensation methods, disintegrate and are uncovered for the flimsy supports that they are.

This was absolutely the case in my experience.

It has been a humbling three years.

I don’t believe the infamous Saturn Return is necessarily “the worst transit ever” as it is feared to be. For many, there are other life transits which are much more challenging.

I have a number of theories about why some people experience more difficult Saturn Returns than others. Those whose Saturn Returns are accompanied by major aspects to multiple planets (especially personal planets), I would argue generally experience a more challenging journey.

During Saturn’s transit in Sagittarius, Saturn formed major aspects with almost ALL of my planets. It obviously conjoined my natal Saturn, and activated and re-emphasized natal aspects by opposing my Moon, squaring Jupiter, and trining Venus.

During its transit it also conjoined with my natal Uranus and Mars, and squared my Sun and Mercury (which were hit with 4 transiting Chiron conjunctions during my Saturn Return). The only planets Saturn did not form a major aspect with, were Pluto and Neptune – although it did form a square with transiting Neptune while in Sagittarius, which was also, of course, squaring my natal Saturn.

Now that Saturn has entered Capricorn following the disintegration of all my major ego-defenses, I continue to try and reintegrate that part of my psyche without falling back into unhelpful well-routed habits.

Saturn has the potential to be a stabilizing inner rock of support for that acutely sensitive 10th House trio – without suffocating and controlling them. Saturn, when expressed more wisely, can provide some healthy boundaries and deep inner strength and resilience to sustain the emotional receptivity and sensitivity I try to hide.

Our expression of Saturn’s inclination toward boundaries is often too harsh or too weak. I’m aiming for a solid middle ground.

(Honestly, as a Pisces and as someone with almost no Earth in my chart, THANK GOODNESS I have a strong Saturn, because otherwise grounding myself would be even more difficult.)

I have been simmering in Saturnian energies for a long time now. I’ve read every Saturn-related astrological text I could find. I have spent many, many hours reflecting and writing on this archetype and its symbolism, as well as its role in my life and in the lives of others. I believe understanding and working with Saturn within your chart is key to fully unlocking your life’s potential.

I am not one to call myself an expert on something, but I must say, I do feel like somewhat of a Saturn expert by now – one that is constantly still learning of course.

Lilith Rebellion has been a product of my Saturn Return. It has been almost a year of writing regular forecasts under the name of my alter ego, Lilith (how fitting for Moon/Lilith in Gemini, right?). Now I would really like to bring all my Saturn-related reflections into the 10th House public sphere.

I started writing my concluding blog post about my Saturn Return, as well as my reflections on Saturn’s upcoming transit through Capricorn and Aquarius. However, it soon became clear that I have way too much to share than could fit in a blog post.

I would like to write a brief e-book/workbook on Saturn – and charge money for it. Assigning monetary worth to my skills and what I have to contribute, is something I really struggle with (North Node in Taurus), but something I need to get better at.

I’ve spent the last 1.5 years of my Saturn Return unemployed and barely leaving the house as I dealt with some pretty immobilizing depression and anxiety. I am doing better now, and as a result, I am pressed to make some major career decisions. My life is in flux, currently.

In the coming weeks I may not have time to write the e-book. If I don’t, I will at least try write a blog post summary of what I have learned about Saturn through the houses, and share some of my reflections on how we can best utilize Saturn’s transits through its signs of Capricorn and Aquarius.

As I wrestle with my complicated 10th House dynamics and try to work more productively with Saturn, I want to say a HUGE thank you to everyone who has followed and supported me through 2017.

How did I manage to connect with such lovely, encouraging, engaging people on these online platforms?

I appreciate you more than you could ever know.

 

 

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